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Saturday, August 25, 2012

Letter to my Molester

Recently I got a friend request from an old family friend. He was an uncle of my neighborhood friends and I would often see him when I went to their house to play. He was unmarried and always liked me a lot. Always bribing me with sweets, magic tricks, I just thought he was so much fun. And then, it started to get weird. He would always want me to sit in his lap, always pressing me against him. I felt something was wrong but my 5 yr old mind could not comprehend it. I never thought about telling anyone. And then one day, he was just gone and I found myself feeling relieved.

25 years later, he has sent me a friend request through Facebook asking me if I remember him, that he is my '**** Uncle' and that he is proud of me and that I have grown up into such a lady. And everything came flooding back. Every. Single. Moment. I understood every touch, every violation, every trick, and I was disgusted. And so, I wrote him this letter. I am sharing this, because I know I am not the only one with these stories. Molesters are HUGE manipulators, seducers and if I had my way, everyone of them would be castrated. You are not a victim, you control how you feel. Feel angry, feel strong, feel the energy that you and I share and stand up to your molester. It is never too late to reclaim your soul. This is the letter I wrote to my Molester to reclaim my soul. He was not my only molester and if any of the others read this, know that this is exactly what I think of you too.

I share this with you my friends in peace. 
 Namaste

PS - When I say 'Allah' I mean God.

This is the email I sent him:

"I accepted your friend request for only one reason. I could not send you a message unless we were friends. I am not sure how you are able to see my pictures or comment on them.

I remember you **** 'Uncle', I remember you well. I had forgotten what you did to me. I never understood it because I was so young, but one day I understood it and you, Allah, and I know very well that you molested me. I always knew something was off in the way you were treating me, but I never comprehended it.

And then one day, I completely understood, there was no doubt. You took advantage of me, you behaved like a pig and I never got to say how I felt to your face. I remember you making me sit in your lap, your sick hard on, you making me lie in bed with you. I really don't care what you say about it, if you deny it, if you apologize, or if you feign no memory of anything, but you and I know exactly what you did. 

I don't care how young and stupid you were, or how ignorant or misinformed, or whatever you were, or were not. You were an adult and I was a child and you did things to me without my consent or understanding. You tricked me with your stupid magic tricks and I do not appreciate that. From browsing your pictures, I find myself relieved that you have no daughters. And if there is ever anything you want to say to me, rest knowing that you can say it to Allah one day.

So be happy in the fact I will never forget you and I know you will never forget me either. I will be happy in the fact that Allah knows, and that one day you and Allah can decide what price you will pay for what you have done to me.

 
You are absolutely nothing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Update: After I sent this email, he completely disappeared from Facebook. No trace. I kept feeling shame after I posted it, because now everyone knows, but I have to keep telling myself that I do not need to feel ashamed. I suddenly realized, damn, everyone on my friends list knows this, relatives, acquaintances, everyone, but it is not my fault. This was something that was done to me. I was a child. As long as I feel shame, he has power over me and I need to take control of the situation.

5 comments:

  1. I think you are very bold to do suh a thing.I really really understand how you feel, I wish I could confront the n number of molestors that I had.But then I console myself that Allah will give me justice.
    The best part is that this fellow vanished after he read it.Wow! coool!
    May Allah SAW keep us and and daughters safe from these kind of perverts.

    Take care and be safe.

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    1. Thank you Parveen :) Your encouragement means a lot to me. By stating that you had molesters, you have already shown courage. You have exposed their actions and you have taken charge. It is now up to you to move on. It is not your fault. It's ironic that victims of sexual molestation feel shame when they are not to blame, its as if our honor is tarnished, but who is hiding now? I pray that our children never have to go through this.
      Warm hugs,
      Farida

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  2. Wow!! I googled a post to help me feel a little "less odd" knowing another molester had the audacity to friend request one of their victims. This just happened to me minutes ago and I had to stop and pause for a while. Thankfully I didn't have to add him to see his profile, and just like you am so relieved he has no family of his own (wife, daughters, or sons). I find myself not even knowing how to respond... I live a life of non-judgment but here I can't fathom the idea of having him look through my things or comment on them (although we have various friends in common). Having him close like that would just not work for me. A co-worker said I should block him, not sure if I should even give him that type of importance. It's been 20 years and I don't plan on letting him destroy what I have come to create after those events. I do not need to hide, WE (all women out there who were violated) do not need to hide or feel any shame whatsoever. Thank you for taking pride in who you are and not belittling yourself because of the events this nasty person chose to create. May light always shine on your path.

    ♥Sat Nam♥

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    1. I have wondered about why victims feel shame. Is it because we allowed ourselves to get hurt? In that case we deserve our own forgiveness first. I have to keep reminding myself that. Its a grey rainy day here and your note shone light on my today. I needed this and I am grateful for it. Thank you thank you thank you. I wish you peace, light and love.

      Namaste.

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  3. My name is Kristal McClodden, I was molested by my mothers step dad when I was around 8. I knew it was wrong so I had the courage to go straight to my mother. That's when I learned that I wasn't the first of his victims, yet she told me not to speak about it. She begged me not to tell my father because he was just being released from prison & she never went to the police because she worried about keeping the family together. I kept quiet, but it was always awkward because I felt on the outside looking in on all of the “make believe” interactions. Keeping quiet also led him to continue to come after me & when I became a teenager he started trying to bribe me into letting him do things. I promised myself for years that I’d speak about it, but I learned that timing was everything. I knew for a fact that confronting him as well as the steps I decided to take towards healing would endure more negative than positive. I knew I’d lose some phony family & I had to grow to become completely fine with it, knowing I’d make room for healthier relationships. My family has enabled & protected this monster for far too long & many still don’t want the truth exposed in effort to protect the “perfect family” image. This secret is too dark & has affected too many young lives. I don’t care how anybody feels about the hidden truth or if they choose not to speak to me because of it. But for my family to HATE me, SLANDER my name, MISTREAT my mother & take It on my children is dead wrong. This is not only an ongoing issue worldwide, but it’s neglected in the black community. So for any victim that comes across my story, I want you to know that it’s not about being accepted by those who care nothing about your best interest. I now understand the strength it takes to break the cycle of generational curses & secrecy, so I’ll continue doing my part by bringing awareness to child molestation. #HAVETHECOURAGETOTELL https://www.facebook.com/HAVETHECOURAGETOTELL

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